I am breathing deeply as I write this. The intensity and frustration comes after my roommate paused me with a question about how I react when I am in white dominated spaces. She asks this after hearing my views about white supremacy and racism in a conversation which we were not even serious about and was probably sparked by a frustration I had at that exact moment.

It also propels me through my fears of backlash and worry about not getting it exactly right. What I may say may anger you, you may disagree or you can feel confused or that you may not completely get my point or the work I am trying to achieve here.

It then hit me how as black people are constantly navigating around white people and their feelings. How we go out of our way to make sure their comfort is not disturbed and not threatened in any manner even if it compromises our own well being and identity. That we change the type of words we normally use when engaging them in issues that affect us directly as black people because we don’t want them to feel blamed and attacked for our poverty and all our depressing stories.

I am making this emphasis that: People of color need their own spaces. Black people need their own spaces. Jokingly, I would say black people need spaces to breathe and I think I am correct by saying that. We need spaces in which we can gather and be free from any mainstream stereotypes and marginalization that is spread through every space we occupy. We need spaces where we can be our authentic selves without white people’s judgement and insecurity making us feel bad for being ourselves. We need spaces where we can simply be – where we will not be concerned about white people’s comfort and simply be honest to ourselves and each other about our exhaustion.

Valuing, protecting and supporting spaces for black people is not just a thing white people can do to make us feel better however it is very crucial for our own identity and as a symbol of resistance of oppression. Spaces like the #AFROPUNK, #AmandlaWomxnFest by Thandiswa Mazwai, which she uses as a celebration of her birthday with womxn. To show the power and magic in ourselves and as an effort to strengthen the sisterhood which must exist amongst womxn in particular black womxn.

The Abantu book festival which is held annually in Soweto to celebrate black writers from all over Africa. I once read an argument piece on Abantu book festival written by Haji Mohamed Dawjee where she makes an argument about the “Let whites in’’ argument by saying “ Black only spaces are an important and sacred opportunity that should be harnessed in a time where we are allowed to use our agency to create forums where we can share. Where we can heal. Where can heal, learn and breathe freely and inhale oxygen free of patterns of white dominance, supremacy and everyday racism”.

And I totally agree with her as I constantly seek for a space which can provide me with that kind of black language. Where we can be with one another and offer support and understanding and define ourselves in our own terms. The Tshwanefontein which my friend took me to for the first time this year. I immediately felt at home the moment I set my foot in there not only because of the music but the environment really felt safe and accepting. Young black people dancing in whichever way they feel, dressed in whatever makes them comfortable and all the interactions between queer people and heterosexuals being so comfortable and flowing with no objectification of any kind.  

One would complain about the subject of inclusivity in my opinion. I don’t think it is our job as black people and the spaces we occupy to carry the responsibility of educating white people about whiteness and, more so, to offer them space to expose themselves to the stories of black experience. We are already existing in a white experience by default. We have always been taught about white history. We have always been forced to choose English and Afrikaans over our own African languages. 

So, the idea of inclusivity should not be raised to question black people for creating spaces where black people hold the power of building solidarity between each other while at the same time addressing their own issues in their own terms through a display of empowerment, expression and affirming each other. I also feel that white people come into black spaces with entitlement to dominate the space. And it is too hard to ignore because they become the focus and take priority over anything else. 

It is also important that we pay attention to how we conduct our black spaces. By that I mean there must be no white character or attributes in the space. I mean that we can conduct the platforms and engagement in our own languages. We can allow one another to be vulnerable and free in expressing our opinions without labeling them as being too radical.

As Steve Biko said: “Blackness is a state of mind ‘’. It is important that we read that again until we get it and maybe we will then understand the importance of rejecting anything that has attributes of white people in our spaces. We need to take advantage of these occasions. We need to support them and document them. Our resistance must come out radically so that it rejects all the systems put in place to shift the power back to white people.

Toxic masculinity is not a new phenomenon, this is not the first time that you are hearing of it, and it certainly will not be the last time. Toxic masculinity refers to the virus that is carried by all men when women say #MenAreTrash. Toxic masculinity is an animal breed by men when asserting their patriarchy in society allowing their hegemony to totally subjugate women. Toxic masculinity or you can so argue is a pill that is taken by men to assert their being. They use it to ‘heal’ illness within women, gays, lesbians and the rest of the LGBTQI+ community. The do so by beating, killing, raping, harassing, slut shaming, undermining, and the list goes.  Toxic masculinity is the law that prescribes to society how to be man, how to be woman, how to be strong and how to be weak. It further dictates who should be strong, how and when and who should be weak.

Toxic masculinity comes in different forms. It comes masquerading as culture. Through culture it asserts itself as dominant and as an authoritative voice. But, what is most important to note of toxic masculinity within this social setting, is that it glorifies binaries. It is an exodus of rules and regulations of gender norms. It tells women that they must hide their thighs, sit ‘like a lady’ wear stockings and take care of a man. It is not just with women; it turns around to tell men how to be men. To not do any kitchen chores besides fixing a light bulb here and there, to be providers of the family and amongst all, it teaches men to be strong, to not cry. Crying in this part of the bible is for women. It makes no reservation for anything outside these binaries, it argues nature or some banal bible text should you dare be outside man/woman.

Toxic masculinity also comes wrapped as a norm, it is disputed to be nature, what everyone else is doing. How dare you go against God’s will? God made you this way! Because of this norm, it will dictate to you that binaries are the norm. Not just that binaries are the norm, it will also tell you that when children are born, when it is a girl, she wears pink, grows hair, pierce her earrings and plays with dolls. As in the obvious, if you are born a boy, wear blue, cut your hair and play with cars. However, who dictates these rules to us? Who sits and draws what is culture or what is normal?

Chuck outside the idea of God, lets dare to not have a belief system in this house. Isn’t culture what is practiced by communities and is changing due to the desires of the specific communities? Isn’t nature a constellations of different imaginations captivated by the moon?

It is against this backdrop that I argue that Skrrr Skrrr culture provides for the alternative to toxic masculinity that I have argued is a norm. If you investigate toxic masculinity through culture, it prescribes gender roles, how to be men and how to be women. It is in the inception of the likes of Travis Scott that we see the rise of Skrrr Skrrr culture. This is a culture that produced the generation of Skrrr Skrrr boys. These boys go against everything that the society have labelled normal. These are the boys that dye their hair pink, are gender non-conforming and wear crop tops. The generation of Skrrr Skrrr boys have provided us with a breath of fresh air, allowing us to dream and imagine outside toxic masculinity. This is the generation that is not too concerned about getting married as expected by society in order to prove their manhood. Instead, this is a generation that smokes weed, relaxes their hair and write songs about how they are living with mental illness and they are asking for help. These are the traits that you do not find within toxic masculinity.

My intention here is not to provide with a cure to toxic masculinity but instead, an alternative. It is also not to say that this alternative is perfect. It is however refreshing how Skrrr Skrrr boys define themselves outside being a ‘man’, with obvious connotations that comes with being a man, that prescribe to you how to be. This is the generation that goes against gender norms. This is the generation that cook their own food, wash their own clothes, do manicures and go for full body massages. Something that toxic masculinity label as gay to mean ‘sinful’, ‘unnatural’ or ‘barbaric’.

This is also not to say let us all be Skrrr skrr boys but perhaps the Skrrr Skrrr culture is the anti-thesis that we have been longing for when we asked an alternative to toxic masculinity.